People said it would happen...and it is. Meltdowns. When quite suddenly, in the most interesting situations, you just have a major meltdown because you are missing your "home" or adopted culture. You see, Hungary became home for me, and in many ways, even though I'm an American citizen, I feel like a foreigner in my own country.
My first meltdown was with good friends in Virginia...they put on Croatian worship music and I LOST it after about 1 minute and broke into sobbing tears, weeping for about an hour as my friends hugged me and prayed for me. I was missing friends so badly.
Tonight came meltdown number two...and again, it was during worship...but here at IHOP. The message was finished, the worship team was back on 'stage' and people were praying and being prayed for, and my heart just broke as friends from Hungary came flooding into my mind! I miss you all soooooooo much and this is really hard...but I know it's right and good and a part of God's great plan.
So, there I sat, next to a new friend, and completely used up about 5 tissues, bawled, shook with sobbing, and just let it all out!
I've been told to let myself do this. To let myself feel the loss. To grieve. To feel the pain. I actually do love the release of crying, and it does relieve the pain a bit. One friend said it took her over a year to get over missing her adopted nation so much. Other friends have said they are still missing their adopted nation...and these folks only spent 3 years there.
I'm crying out for more and more of God's grace and mercy. In the meantime, for my Hungarian readers, KNOW that this woman truly misses you!!!
1 comment:
tudom drága Arden és mindenki tudja. hiányzol nekünk is NAGYON!!! imádkozunk érted és köszönöm az Úrnak hogy ennyi érzelem fér a szivedbe és hogy ennyire szeretsz minket és Magyarországot! szeretlek.pepus.
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