Laugh You Way to a Better Marriage

Here are a few more thoughts from this great book I am reading by Mark Gungor:

"You are going to lose in the marriage enterprise if you don't stop, drop, and roll over the fact that men and women are not equal. We may be equally valuable, but we differ in a litany of ways.  If we don't recognize and adjust to those differences, our marriages will not be what God intended them to be.

When we are able to talk openly about our differences, we will learn how to actually enjoy and celebrate them. If we can't be "naked" about how different we are from each other, we will never be able to experience intimacy in our marriages.  We'll just be playing roles.  Conflict may come when we first start discovering and discussing our differences, but conflict eventually gives way to appreciation and celebration.  When we don't give our spouse room to be himself or herself, conflict comes, too, but it comes to stay.  

Remember this law the next time you hit a rough patch when your expectations are not met:  Men and women are not created equal (the same).  Manage your expectations and endeavor to better understand each other.  Learning about each other, and accepting, celebrating, and negotiating differences are not natural practices for us.  But we must learn these skills if we want to have great marriages."

More thoughts on married life....

While I knew that being married and all that entails is nothing like you see in the movies, it's interesting how 'normal' and easily we have moved into being a married couple. Yes, we are newly weds, but even that term can be fraught with some glorious expectations and innuendos when in reality, life plugs along for us just like every other person on the planet. We take out the trash, we garden, we pull weeds, we cook meals, we entertain friends for dinner, we clean bathrooms and do laundry, we wash dishes, and feed our cat, Simon. Normal stuff...I don't quite know why I'm writing this or if somehow I expected life to become sort-of dream-like in the everyday reality.

Of course there are the moments of wedded bliss and snippets of precious stolen moments, like sitting on our front porch last night with the light off and looking at the stars...sometimes talking but just holding hands and enjoying the beauty. Or waking up in the middle of the night to a raging storm and turning over to hold one another and enjoy the thunder and lightening and rain pounding down on the roof. Or taking long walks in the afternoon through our neighborhood, talking about the day, visioning and dreaming about the future.

But it struck me yesterday that really, married life is nothing like the movies, and a small part of me felt a bit of anger toward the film-making industry...not for me, but for all the young people out there who are bombarded every day with images of marriage and wedded bliss that simply are not even close to reality. The fantasy that Hollywood and other film industries present in abundance today are fueling an already sexually charged and idealistically deluded young population, which could lead them into unrealistic expectations about life, love and happiness.

I have never been happier than I am now as a married woman; I have more joy in me and peace than ever before; but it's not solely as a result of being married to a wonderful man. Primarily, it's because I'm married to a man who loves Jesus first and as we both put Him in the center of it all, the love, joy, happiness, peace, fun, adventure, purpose and calling all fall into place. There is even great fun in the mundane when the spouse the Lord has given you is by your side! But it's nothing like the emotionally charged blissful picture so many movies try to plant in our imaginations. I'm not sure I'm explaining myself very well, nor am I sure why I'm even blogging about this except that maybe some young (or even old) person out there needs to read this and bring that false picture into line with the Word of God and His reality, which is more joyful, wonderful and fulfilling than the movies portray.