The sun and the Son

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I think I can count on two hands (maybe even one) how many days of sunshine we have had here in Szeged, Hungary, known as the "City of Sunshine" during the month of November. Needless to say, with darkness falling at about 4:15 (or earlier), and lack of sunshine during the day, there's a heavy air here of tiredness. Contemplating this today, I began thinking about how for some of these people, this heaviness and tiredness and darkness is an everyday thing for them in their souls. Not only has their been a lack of Sun here, but when one lacks THE SON in his or her life, the only hope that one has is that maybe there will be sunshine tomorrow to lift the burden temporarily. Wouldn't it be amazing to see an outpouring of the Spirit of the Son on this city so that even on the gloomy, "sun-less" days the JOY of the SON would be evident and hope would be permanent?!

Cross-cultural mourning

I've experienced some culture shock in the last few days as I have mourned the loss of a former student, killed in Iraq last Friday. Here's what I've learned about how Hungarians react to someone who is mourning, which is somewhat different than how, typically, Americans would react. When I shared my "loss" with some close friends, they responded with absolute silence....I was stunned....I expected them to say SOMETHING, to provide some sort of verbal comfort. My first response was deep hurt...."They don't care....all they are thinking about is this war and how much they don't agree with it. Can't they see beyond the war to a loss of life? Can't they see I'm hurting?" Well, I've learned some very important and very good lessons as I've "processed" these things with various Hungarians. In general, Hungarians say nothing when told someone has lost someone, because that is the most comforting and honorable thing to do; to say something would be flippant and shallow. To remain silent is to say, through your silence, that you are feeling their pain with them, deeply, and words cannot and should not be spoken because no words can ever convey the depth of the sorrow or tragedy. Additionally, we Americans, in general, are a hugging culture when we are comforting someone. Only the VERY closest of friends in Hungary would even think to give someone a comforting hug. A close friend would sit next to someone mourning, let them cry, but would not hold their hand, put an arm around a shoulder or give that person a hug. A friend would simply sit, let the person cry, and listen if the person wanted to talk about the situation. But, the Hungarian would not ask questions....he or she would simply let the person mourning talk if he/she wanted to talk. To ask questions would be intruding and would be considered, in general, rude and uncaring. I'm so thankful for these lessons this week as I know I've been so "American" with my Hungarian friends and have been quick to try to say a comforting word, which, to many of them, is yet another indication, in their eyes, of American "shallowness". Who was it that said, "The older I get, the more I realize I do not know."? How very true!


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Joys and Sorrows

Saturday, I received a sad phone call. One of my former students from Virginia was killed in Fallujah, Iraq where he was serving as a U.S. Marine. The tears flowed immediately and the memories of this fine young man flooded my mind. My heart aches for the family who have lost a son, but in the midst of sorrow, there is great rejoicing, for a son has gone home to be with his Heavenly Father! For this we can all rejoice! This Thanksgiving, let's remember to give special thanks for every family member and every friend.

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Orphan stories

Each Thursday I get to spend the afternoon at a children's home in the suburbs of Szeged. Yesterday was a very special day for me there as I got to "learn the story" of one of the kids I've been spending more time with this fall. A. is 22 years old and was placed in the home when he was just 11. He is one of 7 children, but the only one who has grown up in a children's home. I asked him how he ended up there. "I was a really bad kid! I used to just leave home when I was really little (starting at about age 6) and go hang out on the street with friends, and I got involved with some really bad kids. My mom finally got so frustrated with me because I was not going to school and I was getting involved in really bad things, so one day, she brought me here. At first I thought I would be here for a week or so, or maybe a month, and then, I realized, this is now my home! I tried to leave and do what I always did...go wander the streets, but the social workers wouldn't let me. I really thank God that I ended up here in the children's home because otherwise I wonder where I would be now."
Another boy came to the English lesson and I was asking him about his "story" because I noticed his younger brother is not really "normal". J. told me "Yea, my brother has a nervous disorder and is going to a special school because he cannot be in a regular school." I asked him about the rest of his family. "There are 6 kids in the family, and now my brother and I are here because my dad is in prison." Their stories break my heart, and a part of me just wants to take them home with me, but hearing stories like A's. helps me realize that this home can really be a good place for some of these kids, and so I just keep loving them as best I can and giving them some life-skills, and praying for them.
Finally, there is B. We enjoyed some time together this morning, drinking coffee and eating breakfast. B. has essentially moved out of the children's home and is living with her boyfriend. What breaks my heart though is that she is having such a difficult time building this relationship. As she poured out her heart to me this morning about the fact that she has NO IDEA how to build a healthy, normal relationship with someone, having grown up in a children's home since she was 2 years old and never having seen a "normal" relationship between a man and a woman, my heart was breaking. I praise God I was able to share with her my "vision" of a healthy relationship that I hope to share someday with someone, and that is a relationship where each person's first love is Jesus, and as we each seek Jesus, we grow closer together, building on the foundation of Christ as the center of our relationship. It dawned on me afresh today that I can work hard to give these orphan kids lots of things: a fun summer camp, English skills, friendship, chocolate every week, laughter, clothes, and many other "wonderful things", but what they need most is a relationship with the living Lord Jesus, who will never leave them nor forsake them.

ceo for the kids

ceo for the kids

I purchased an English language newspaper today which I'd not read before. It's called the Budapest Times, and in it, I found the following tidbit which those interested in Hungary's economy may find interesting. "New minimum wage will be raised to 57,000 Hungarian Forints/month beginning January 1, 2005." (This is 233.60 EUROS/month, and is a 9.3% increase.) However, after taxes, 28% approximately for minimum wage earners, the "take-home" pay is quite minimal. In the same newspaper, I saw flats (apartments) being advertised for 1000 EUROS/ month for 2 bedrooms in a high-end section of Budapest. I'm continually struck by the disparity; there are the rich and the poor, basically, and with food prices equivalent to (or sometimes higher) than those in the U.S., and clothing costing MORE here than it does in the U.S., I am continually amazed by these people who continue to survive against great economic odds. It's no wonder that in each household, both parents work at least one job each to make ends meet.


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cultural education

I was teaching my 11th grade bilingual students this morning, and the lesson was entitled: "What Things Do." The lesson proceeded well as we learned that snakes slither, butterflies flutter, wings flap, lightning flashes and strikes, etc. With two minutes left in the lesson, I said, "Ok, here are the last 3 things and you tell me what you think each of these does: arms, lips and life." The shyest boy in the class said, "Arms hug." The prettiest girl in the class said, "Lips kiss." But the most interesting and in a way, the "funniest" response came with the last word: life. Of course I had my own answer, but I wanted to ask the students. One boy piped up, "Life ends!" Another one said, "Life sucks!" My answer was: "Life goes on!" And herein, blogspot readers, is your cross-cultural lesson for the day: the American is the optimist, whereas, true to stereotypes, the Hungarian is the pessimist. It has been said that pessimism is in the Hungarians' blood. Well, I decided to poll some more Hungarians as to how they would follow the word "life". ALL of them (from a huge poll of 4) said similar things: life ends, life dies, or life comes to an end. This is not surprising to me because a few months ago I learned that while American fairy tales end with the line: "And they lived happily ever after!" Hungarian fairy tales ALL end with the line: "And they lived until they died." Here's the conclusion of the matter: LIFE IS INTERESTING!

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Laszlo Presser benefit concert

I sat in a packed opera house Monday night listening to the musical talents of Laszlo Presser, a Hungarian pianist and singer, who volunteered his time to come do a benefit concert. Proceeds from ticket sales are going to the kids at the children's home where I have the privilege of hanging out weekly. For the past 3 years, various artists have donated their time to performing for a couple of hours and in turn, the kids get a $50 gift each for Christmas. For some of these kids, who have no family at all, this gift will be just about the only thing they get, aside from what the government gives them at Christmas time, which is usually quite minimal. In years past, kids have bought things like new shoes, cosmetics, walkmans and discmans, and other "luxuries" which they otherwise would never be able to afford with their approximately $15/month allowance. Laszlo Presser's songs are filled with words of love and encouragement, and as he asked, "Wouldn't it be great if couples would stay together for a lifetime?" tears were flowing from many eyes. In a country where divorce is over 50% and on the rise, I believe his messages and his presence were not only for the kids, but for those of us who are serving as models for them.

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Croatia

One of the amazing privileges I have in living and working overseas is the chance to travel to various cultures and see the lives of "real" people as they live and move and have their being. This past week, I got the chance to see Vukovar in Croatia. Just ten years ago, this city and entire region was engaged in a bloody ethnic war and this beautiful city of Vukovar was almost completely destroyed. As my friend and I drove around and I took pictures of the bombed out buildings standing next to newly constructed (or reconstructed) buildings, I couldn't help but wonder what it must have been like, and what it must be like even now for the people there who suffered tremendous losses, both materially and emotionally through devastating murders. Driving around in our comfy van, I thought "I have no idea what suffering is, and were I to have to endure what these people have had to endure time and time again, I'm not sure I would be able to do it." It's sobering to see, and yet at the same time, incredibly encouraging to see these people rebuilding their lives as best they are able to do so; what an incredible challenge to me to give thanks for EVERYTHING, no matter what may arise.

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